Before I have developed my self-awareness, people around me have told me that I am reserved, distant, and quiet. Since I was lacking self-awareness, the statements came to me as a surprise. However, as the years go by, I have taken the initiative to develop my self-awareness. I read books such as Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Ourselves and Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking in order to understand myself and my temperament. Besides these two, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) has also told me much about myself, specifically as an INTP in which the letter ‘I’ indicates ‘Introvert’. After periods of researching and reflecting, what people have told me are basically true.
However, there are times where I hate my introversion being out of place. So I take the effort to put on my social mask. It’s not easy. It’s draining, but it’s definitely worth it. I give myself a pat at the back every time I have successfully survived a small talk with a new companion.
Being alone is where I am at my happiest. Especially when I’m reading in a convenient setting. I do what I like without having anyone in the same room or having to talk to anyone. However, I don’t mind having someone else in the room (but I prefer having the space all to myself) as long as they respect my quiet time and leave me alone to do my own thing, I had the experience of sharing a room with a few individuals when I was an undergrad. I’m grateful that none of them are the type that are disturbing and disrespectful of other people’s quiet time.
Be mindful that liking being alone doesn’t mean that I like being lonely. Being alone and being lonely have different effects toward an individual. I would be devastated if I don’t have anyone to talk to or to share my ideas with. However, I project my talkativeness only to my small circle of close companions. We as humans, even introverts, have the neurobiological need to socialize. There’s a part of the brain that is needed to be harnessed by socializing.
I think this is all that I can share about my introversion for the time being. Maybe I will write more about it in the future.